Well I guessing the meds are work before part of me believed that my brother was still in Houston well reality is back and kicking my ass! Now I know that my baby brother is never coming home and it hurts so bad I freak out on my mom I cried all day. I have spent my life mad at my mom and dad for using drugs I always hated drugs but now feeling how I do I understand why people don't want to be in reality I don't want to be in it I hate knowing that my I will never see or hear my brother again! And yes I know that I am a stupid ass for saying this but reality sucks big time!!!
I am a cutter and I made a promise to my brother when he died that I would not hurt myself and I broke it a few weeks ago! I have to stay out side a few hours because I was scared that I was going to hurt myself when I was doing the dishes I saw a knife and I can see myself hurting myself with it. I did not do it I call my aunt and talk to her which she is the one I turn to at times but I went inside I was still crying my mom ask what was wrong and I just went off as I cried screamed and cleaned. Well I need to stop my niece is burn a hole in the floor from run back and froth!