I AM SO TIERED i DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS ANYONE MORE AND YES I KNOW THAT IS LIFE IT JUST HURTS SO MUCH! A FEW DAYS AGO THERE WAS SOME DRAMA i WAS SO PISSED OFF THAT I WENT OFF THAT WAS BECAUSE THAT STUPID I STOP THERE WELL TODAY ME AND HIM GOT IN TO IT READY BAD I CAN'T BELIEVE MY MOM AND PAULA DID NOT HEAR US PAULA SAY SHE SAW THAT WE WERE IN A DIP TALK SO SHE WENT IN SIDE. I WAS THROWING A COUPLE THING IN THE TRASH AND START WALKING TO HIM TO ASK IF I COULD PET BILL BILL HIS DOG HE SAID YEAH AND WE STARTED TALKING AND I WAS BEING HONEST AND HIS TONE CHANGED AND WE GOT IN TO IT HE SAID THING HE SHOULD NOT SAID AND I SAID THING I SHOULD NOT SAID SOME OF THE THING I DID NOT MEAN AND SOME I DID BUT I WENT HOME AND SAT OUT SAID SMOKING A CIG AND PAULA HAD CALL MY PHONE (WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT THAT IS SHE LIVES NEXT DOOR LOL) MY MOM TOLD I WAS OUTSIDE AND SHE CAME OUT I THOUGHT MY MOM HAD CALL HER AND TOLD HER THAT I WAS UPSET ABOUT THE FIGHT CAUSE WHEN I WAS INSIDE I BLOW UP A LITTLE ON HER WHEN PAULA I HAD A MELTDOWN A BIG MELTDOWN MY MOM CAME OUTSIDE AND I WENT OFF I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE SHE WANT TO MAKE A POINT I STARTED SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND I HAD TO WALK AWAY AND GO TO THE SMALL FIELD IN FRONT I SAT DOWN A LITTLE WHILE LATER PAULA AND HER DAUGHTER NINA CAME TO TALK TO ME NINA IS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS SAYING SHE TOLD WHAT I WAS THINKING AND SHE IS ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!
BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT I WOULD HAD HAD A MELTDOWN SOONER OR LATER IT JUST HAPPENED I GOT IN TO IT WITH HIM AND IT FLIPPED THE THE TRIGGER TO THE BIG BALL EMOTION ( I JUST MOON MY MOM LOL ) AND PAIN AND IT CAME ALL OUT WHEN I WAS OFF MY MEDS I COULD SAY IT THAT MY BROTHER DIED BUT I WAS IN DENIAL AND BELIEVE IN MY HEAD THAT MY BROTHER WAS STILL IN HOUSTON TX AND I NOW I BACK ON MY MEDS AND I KNOW THAT HE IS GONE AND I AM NEVER GOING TO SEE OR TALK TO HIM AGAIN THIS WAS ALL INSIDE OF ME WAITING TO GET OUT AND IT DID TODAY NOW NOT ONLY DO I HURT INSIDE I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT WHAT ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED i AM S=GOING TO STOP NOW MY HEAD HURTS ( NOT TO RUBE BUT TO EVERYONE WHO THINKS I AM JUST FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF WELL I KNOW I AM SO BACK OFF PLEASE IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS DON'T READ IT!!!
